Saturday, July 07, 2007
the one about belonging
I don't like plane rides.
Don't get me wrong. I do adore the excitement of flying off, to have the feeling that you're floating in the air and to know that you're going away for a holiday. But the best part of any plane ride for me is when we're flying back and almost touching down in Singapore, and I get to glance out of that tiny window to see our tiny island. Somehow, it soothes me to know that I'm coming home.
I don't know about you. Nor can I claim to understand those who wishes to fly away as soon as they can, but to me, Singapore is home. And home is home; nothing else can replace that.
I've been to many places. I've been to America, China, New Zealand, Switzerland, Australia, Taiwan etc. I've been to places where I felt like a mute because I couldn't speak what they were speaking. I've been to places which looked so beautiful and appetising from my TV screen. I've been to places where I had wanted to go to.
In the end, it is still that moment where I get to see home for the first time after so many days which matters to me.
I don't know about you. But I'm not a person who can forsake my entire life to start another one somewhere else. I have spent 20 years and counting on this island which bears so much grievances from its inhabitants. Ever corner I go to, every step I take, every stop I stop at, they bear my memories. I can tell you a story at every place if I am able to remember. My friends, my family, my past and my present are here. Can you even imagine starting anew somewhere? Can you imagine putting down everything just because it's so-called "too hard to bear" here? Can you imagine leaving yourself behind?
I love Taiwan. It's not that difficult to get around once you've gotten used to it. I can speak their language. In fact people mistook me as Taiwanese. I loved it there while it lasted. But I miss familiarity. I like the feeling that once I'm back in Singapore, I actually know how to get around. I know this place, and it knows me. I can get around with no problems. I don't even need to think about how to get from one place to another, it comes naturally. I like turning one corner and seeing a familiar face. I like coming back because every part that's me is here.
You may say that I'm too comfortable in my comfort zone. Maybe so, maybe not. What I do know is this: this is the place where I've called home for 20 years, and that is not going to change. Will I leave Singapore? Maybe. I might want to spend a few years somewhere else to "see the world" but I definitely tell you that I'll be back. Regardless how enticing that place is, regardless of what it can offer me, it can never offer me home.
You don't leave home to start another home. You stay.
10:58 PM